Our financial worries are over.

I know the brethren have warned against get-rich-quick schemes, but I have developed a foolproof method of raking in the cash. I'll describe it in 4 easy steps.

1-Find a study that links something that has been used for decades with some sort of illness. The level of obscurity of said study does not matter. It could be done by a world famous scientist, a graduate student, a high school senior, or a hippie that spends his or her time in trees to prevent them from being cut down. The study doesn't have to be conclusive, either. Just find one.

2-Broadcast to everyone the evils of this ordinary, harmless item. Feel free to exagerate the effects of the product (it can cause blindness, deafness, impotence, death, etc. Let your imagination run wild!)

3-(This is where it all starts to pay off) Offer an alternative that serves the exact same purpose, but will not be accompanied by the dreaded side effects. Charge anywhere from double to ten times the price of the equally harmless product.

4-Watch the cash roll in!

Anyone who wants to get on this with me, just let me know. I am currently persuading a beehive in our ward to do a study on the dangers of ordinary air on the skin of an infant as a science fair project.